About a Boy (CP 2)

Here's my attempt at modeling the style of Jamaica Kincaid's "Girl":

Spend at least ten percent of your income on things that make you smile; defend the least popular kid in school-- you’ll gain respect and make a friend; eat ice cream out of the carton; pay attention to your teachers—pretty soon you’ll have to pay for school; this is how you play a G chord; this is how you play an A chord; this is how you play an E chord; now go play a Ramones song; if your apartment has mice, just pretend you have a lot of tiny pets; watch black and white movies whenever possible; don’t judge people by who they voted for; stay out late on school nights--you can sleep at lunch; tell your friends that you love them, even if it makes them uncomfortable; don’t be afraid of dying--people weaker than you have been doing it for centuries; if you find yourself in the majority, switch sides immediately; do crunches, but don’t worry if you can’t see your abs; have your grandparents tell you their life stories; don’t start smoking—lung cancer is never cool; if you come across unexpected money, spend it immediately; at some point, grow a beard so you know how it looks on you; always hold the door for your date; if you get a pimple, don’t cover it with your mother’s makeup—you will go from the kid with a pimple to the kid who wears his mother’s makeup; don’t chase money, the most interesting people I know are poor as hell; when you’re making a sandwich, make it massive, you can always buy more groceries later; if you hit someone’s car, leave a note; never do something just because you’re supposed to; if you’re going to write someone a love letter, make sure you mean every word; if your friend is about to make a terrible decision, make sure you tell him so, after that, it’s his call; this is how you drive stick-shift; this is how you catch a fly ball; this is how white people dance—I know, it’s not pretty; go on road trips to inexpensive, undesirable places-- you will make them memorable; talk to your dog; talk to the janitor; talk to pretty girls, everyone’s intimidated by them and they get lonely too; hug your mother when she’s upset; hug your mother when she’s happy; hug your mother on the first day of school; never forget your friends’ birthdays; never pop your collar; never pee on the seat; At least once in your life, hug a complete stranger; give money to charities; give money to homeless people; tip the pizza guy way too much; sing in crowded elevators; fall in love easily and frequently; remember: a real woman doesn’t care about how big the diamond is; always kiss like it’s the last scene in the movie; and finally, life’s too short to do anything you that you don’t absolutely love; now mow the lawn.